I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
