dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
