Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
