im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Randomize
