I am puke
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize