Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
