maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
