I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
