Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
