You made me cry and you don't even care
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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