I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
