Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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