How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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