The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
