Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
