i don't like sucking hair
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
