i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
