During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
