when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
