I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
