i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
