You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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