Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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