cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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