Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
