Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
so much tequila, so little girl.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
