3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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