In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Randomize
