so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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