Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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