I am spending my child support on dildos
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
