Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
