dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
