He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
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