Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
