yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Panties = found
Randomize
