i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
