So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
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