Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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