Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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