I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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