I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
please come you make the beer taste better
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Randomize
