Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
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