i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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