Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
