My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
