Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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