Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
