when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
