This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
