She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Someone came in the potted fern
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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