You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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