i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
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