Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
