I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
sex in a hospital.. check
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
