That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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