Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
We named our party play list daddy issues
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
