Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
