Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
