Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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