I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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