Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Acid is not a monday night drug
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
