White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
