we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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