I'm jealous of your bromance
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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