literally had 100 drinks last night.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
the day after is always just damage control
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Randomize
