I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
